STAR WARS MEGA-REVIEW
December 17th 2015, or as it is now known, Star Wars Day. Luckily I got to see it at the midnight premier last night, because if I'd had to have waited any longer to see it, I would have literally burst.
With that in mind, I wanted to do something Star Warsy today as a tribute to one of the biggest and greatest movie franchises, but I don't want to spoil anything for anyone - because there are people who will have waited since 1984 to find out what happens to Luke, Leia and The Gang. So I'm going to review all of the other six Star Wars films in one mega-post,with a teensy footnote about The Force Awakens with no spoilers, therefore only spoiling things for people who have never seen any Star Wars before; and if you're one of them, it's been 30 years, you can't expect us to not post Empire spoilers any more...
Oh, and to make it even more exciting, I'll be reviewing them in the order that I watched them. Or rather, the order I was shown them in the first time, which incidentally is the wrong order. And to top it all off, I'll tell you people who have never seen it, what the right order is.
A whole lotta spacey stuff to get through... But we'll manage. Here is what I have to say on each Star Wars movie in the order that I first saw them.
Episode IV: A New Hope
I did this part right. The first Star Wars film I ever saw was the first Star Wars film period, in fact when it was originally released it wasn't called Episode IV: A New Hope, it was just called Star Wars. This is the original, the film the people in the 1970's started with, and the place where you definitely should start. Unless someone is super into the prequels, they'll always tell you to start at Episode IV. Despite that, this is the Episode that I have seen the least of (disregarding the prequels, obviously.) I've only seen A New Hope twice, years ago. I struggled to follow it the first time because I didn't know anything about the Star Wars universe, and it starts off quite slow - which is the main argument for watching the prequels first. But you meet Luke Skywalker, which is where the story definitely should start. Starting with Episode IV you get to see Darth Vader as everyone in 1977 did, as the scariest and most evil man in the galaxy. If you start with the prequels, he just doesn't have the same effect.
However, and I will stress this with all of the original trilogy films. If you have never seen this film before, try TRY to search for the original version, not the one that George Lucas went back and screwed with beyond repair. Watch the original and then, if you want, watch the super CGI'd edited version. But you'll thank me for telling you this. Overall I will rank A New Hope as my third favourite Star Wars films out of all 7. It may seem slow to Star Wars virgins but I promise that if you manage to get invested in it you will absolutely adore Episodes V and VI.
Episode I: The Phantom Menace.
Yup. This is where I messed up. I did warn you that the first time I watched the saga I did it wrong. But I can explain. The reason why I followed one of the best Star Wars films with the absolute worst one, is that I was dating a guy who truly believed the prequels were better, and was therefore angry that I'd started Star Wars from the actual beginning, instead of the fake beginning.
According to the Machete Order you're meant to skip this one completely. Watch all the others, and then come back to this one at the end if you really want to. But it genuinely adds nothing to the story, and you can easily live having never seen it. Anakin as an 8 year old boy is completely pointless, he's not even a Jedi at this point, he's just a kid. At least Episodes II and III show SOME character development (and I use that phrase lightly.)
My problem with the prequels as a whole is that when I first watched them all I was 19, unlike everyone else my age who saw the prequels in the cinema when they were kids. Meaning that unless you've gone back and re-watched them all, you probably have quite fond memories of them. But being 19 and watching the prequels means I was at an age where I was trying to understand all the council meetings and the trade federation and midichlorians, and I lost interest very quickly because it was so hard to follow and so needlessly complicated and boring. However, kids will have liked it - they probably will zone out in all the political parts, but the pod race is kind of cool... I guess? Overall, this is right at the bottom as number 7. Don't watch this film unless you really REALLY want to, and even then, try and change your mind.
Episode II: Attack of the Clones
More prequel tosh next. Episode II takes place 10 years after The Phantom Menace, again, highlighting how much we didn't need that film in the slightest because now Anakin is a whole new character. He's 18, he's a Jedi apprentice, and we could easily have just started here. So, if you do insist on watching the prequels first like the odd minority do, start here. Please?
George Lucas says that Episode II is "ultimately a love story", which would translate if the two actors had any on screen chemistry at all, and if the romance wasn't so forced. Other than the love story that is just shoe-horned in there is nothing else I can say about this movie that I didn't say about Episode I. I actually fell asleep towards the end of this film and then gave up with the prequels entirely until after I'd finished the original trilogy. Episode II comes in at number 6.
Episode V: Empire Strikes Back
Finally we've reached Empire, everyone's favourite. The best Star Wars film, one of the best films ever made. I got bored of the prequels and went back to the original trilogy. Whether you follow either the Machete order or the release order, Empire follows A New Hope. It just makes sense, and it allows the story to progress in the best way possible following the destruction of the Death Star. And also, other than in Episodes IV and VI, the special addition changes aren't all that bad in comparison, so watching either versions will still make it your favourite.
We get to see Luke Skywalker using The Force, we get to see Yoda training him to be a Jedi, Han Solo and Leia's relationship develops, which unlike the prequels is a real love story that people enjoyed watching and Darth Vader is tracking Luke down with a vengeance after the Death Star. Most importantly, we see them fight against each other for the big reveal that - yup - Darth Vader is Luke's father. The film ends with nothing going right for anyone except the Empire, it's the perfect cliffhanger to leave on for Episode VI, and I wish I'd have been able to see it without knowing the big secret. Obviously The Empire Strikes Back is my number 1 favourite Star Wars film.
Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
Personally my least favourite of the original trilogy, but that is probably down to it having such a hard time following Empire Strikes Back. This was also the worst re-edited film, I was lucky enough to never see George Lucas' strange new creation, but I've heard it is the main reason why this film gets such a bad rep.
Luke Skywalker is a whole new character in this film, he's transformed into a true Jedi and he really is finally at one with The Force, and it's revealed that him and Leia are brother and sister - which we all knew already anyway, but still awesome. Leia is shown to be force-sensitive too, which would make sense as it runs in the family, she tells Luke that she always knew that they were siblings - and I've always really liked that even though she is susceptible to The Force she never actually uses it to the extent that Luke or Vader do, even in The Force Awakens.
There has been some dispute about the order that you are meant to watch Return of the Jedi in. Most people will watch the films in release order which means Episodes IV-VI followed by the prequels, but the Machete order is Episodes IV and V followed by watching II and III as a flashback, and then finishing with VI. I personally have never seen the appeal of watching the prequels as a flashback in the middle of the original trilogy for your first viewing, for people who don't understand the universe of Star Wars I wouldn't recommend the Machete order. But if you've seen them all already then definitely try it. Overall Return of the Jedi comes in as my fourth favourite. I don't like it as much as the other original films, but it still beats the prequels hands down.
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
So after giving up on the prequels after the piss poor attempt George Lucas made with Episodes I and II, I attempted Revenge of the Sith after I'd seen and been able to appreciate the three genuinely good movies without Lucas taking a massive crap over my whole Star Wars experience. By default this is the best film in the prequels, but that doesn't mean it's good. Like, at all.
The one good thing this movie does is show the transformation from Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader, in the space of less than 10 minutes Skywalker abandons his Jedi teachings and becomes a child murdering Sith Lord. You hear Darth Vader's theme play for the first time and it did send a few shivers down my spine because this guy is truly evil. However, George Lucas also didn't learn that kids don't give a damn about government meetings, even at 19 seeing this film for the first time - as with the other prequels - I zoned out completely.
The romance is still there, shoe-horned in and still as awkward as ever. And Padme, who I thought would be a pretty cool character at first, ends up dying of a broken heart..? And the scene where she gives birth is just so poorly written and poorly acted out. I was so bitterly disappointed with the ending other than seeing Vader's suit for the first time. And even that was ruined by THAT moment that still haunts Star Wars fans to this day. You'll know what it is...
Revenge of the Sith is my fifth favourite Star Wars film, better than the other two prequels but nowhere near the original trilogy's standards.
And finally, that leaves us with Episode VII: The Force Awakens
I promised you that I wasn't going to give anything away about this film, so this will be short and sweet and I hope those of you who are yet to watch it really enjoy it. The acting is fantastic, including all the older stars (I was concerned that poor old Carrie Fisher wouldn't be able to hack it, but she did fabulously) and Finn and Wrey are both amazing, the perfect Star Wars heroes for the new generation. The humour is on point, and so nostalgic of the original trilogy, not the awkward jokes George Lucas added to the prequels that simply never landed. I thought at first that it was purely a film that existed for fan service alone but now I love it, I'm seeing it again in a few days and I can't wait. Everything is nostalgic of the films of the 70's and 80's but that is what is so amazing, it's not a cheap trick or laziness, it's a perfect homage paid to Empire Strikes Back. Also Kylo Ren is scary as hell.
I've given The Force Awakens an 8/10, that might change after seeing it again, but I really enjoyed it. It was hard to live up to everyone's expectations and I think it did better than we thought it would. And that is why I'm listing it as my second favourite Star Wars movie, after Empire.
